


kakashi's secret 'stache

by stupidbadgers



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack Fic, Established Relationship, I have no excuses, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Art, M/M, Swearing, a truly awful mustache but i love it so much, mostly - Freeform, seriously iruka swears so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27978774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidbadgers/pseuds/stupidbadgers
Summary: iruka istryingto be supportive of kakashi's desire to have this mustache, but it is truly awful
Relationships: Hagane Kotetsu/Kamizuki Izumo, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 8
Kudos: 113





	kakashi's secret 'stache

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dooilim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dooilim/gifts).



> if y'all haven't seen dooilim's _amazing_ [art of kakashi's pornstache](https://dooilimx.tumblr.com/post/189405826201/i-bet-he-had-pornstashes-at-one-point-and-only), you are truly missing out. please, please do yourself a favor and go look at it (also the follow up of bearded iruka!!). 
> 
> i wrote this shortly after dooilim posted the art and it's been sitting in my folder for months. i finally decided the world needed this. ~~my writing style has changed a bit since writing this, but i really wanted to preserve the original style.~~
> 
> enjoy~

Kakashi has been growing this fucking mustache for weeks now and Iruka is trying to be supportive but it looks fucking awful and he's not actually sure it feels that great either. He's been doing his best to not dodge Kakashi's kisses but it feels like a caterpillar is attacking his face every time Kakashi kisses him and he's so close to breaking. 

Every time Kakashi tries to use his mouth in anything regarding sexy times Iruka has to divert his attention (honestly, not difficult). 

Not to mention it looks ridiculous under Kakashi's mask. That sends Iruka into fits of giggles every time he sees him but he's good at hiding them. He's trying to just let Kakashi get this out of his system. (Honestly, there was probably a character in Icha Icha that had a pornstache and that's why Kakashi did this). 

It's going on a month and Iruka is at his wits end. He has to talk to someone about this. Finally, after one night of drinking with Izumo (Kotetsu absent because he’s stuck on guard duty as punishment) while Kakashi is on a mission, Iruka breaks. 

"It's fucking awful." 

“What's awful?" Iz slurs. 

"His fucking pornstache." 

Izumo narrows his eyes, "huh?" 

"Kakashi." Iruka says like it's the most obvious thing. 

Izumo's eyes widen. "Is that why he wears a mask?" 

Iruka shakes his head, "no, if anything, it's making him want to forgo the mask. I talked him out of that one. It's like a fucking caterpillar latched itself on to his lip and refuses to let go. You know we haven't even made out in... fuck, too long." Iruka gets a faraway look in his eyes. "God I miss his mouth. The things he can do with it. But not with that fucking mustache. It's awful. How has no one noticed it?" 

Izumo is just staring at Iruka. 

"Shit, I shouldn't have told you that. You can't tell anyone. Not even Ko." 

"But—" 

"Not even Kotetsu." Iruka's words are strong, his best teacher voice coming through. 

"Not even Kotetsu,” Izumo grumbles. 

*** 

It's a few days later and Kakashi is back and his pornstache is as bad as ever. Iruka and him run into Iz and Ko while out getting groceries. They're exchanging pleasantries but Izumo is staring intensely at Kakashi's face. Kakashi is a bit put off but whatever, he's not gonna make a big deal about it. It's not the first time people have stared at him, won't be the last. 

Kotetsu notices. He's irritated about it but doesn't say anything. Until it happens again when they see Kakashi in the mission room the next day, and at the gates that evening before he leaves, and two days later at the gates when he returns. It's when they're all together for drinks the next night when Ko loses his fucking mind. 

"Why the fuck do you keep staring at Hatake?" 

The other three men (and a few surrounding shinobi) are slightly startled by the outburst, especially given that Iruka was in the middle of a story (Kakashi had been gazing at Iruka, completely enraptured). 

Izumo turns beet red. "Um, I wasn't?" 

Iruka groans. When did Izumo turn into such a terrible liar? 

Kotetsu is well on his way to being angry. "You've been staring at his face every time you see him for the last week." 

Kakashi feels a little better knowing he wasn't imagining it. 

Iruka covers his eyes with his hand. He shouldn't have opened his big mouth. 

Kakashi looks at Iruka. "You seem to know something, sensei." 

Kotetsu narrows his eyes at Iruka, "someone better start talking." Izumo is trying to slide away but Kotetsu grabs his arm. He looks pleadingly at Iruka. 

Iruka sighs, "fine, but you can't tell anyone." He points at Kotetsu. "I mean it. If I hear one peep of this from someone that isn't you two I will find you and you will not like what happens." 

A shit eating grin spreads across Kotetsu's face. Whatever it is, it's gonna be good. 

"Fine." 

Iruka stands up, pulling Kotetsu toward the hall with the bathrooms where there aren't as many people. He leans into Kotetsu's ear, cupping his hand around it and whispers, "Kakashi has the most awful fucking pornstache. I told Izumo that it's like a caterpillar has attached itself to his face and won't leave." 

Iruka continues, "I fucking hate it but I can't tell Kakashi. He loves it." Kotetsu is laughing hysterically by the time Iruka finishes. He's bent in half gasping for air. 

They go sit back down. 

Izumo looks at Kotetsu sheepishly. "Sorry." 

Kotetsu is too busy staring at Kakashi's face. Kakashi looks at the two men, now both staring at him squinting. 

Iruka shakes his head, grabs Kakashi's arm, and pulls him out of the bar, wondering why he's friends with those two. Kakashi waits until they're back home before addressing a semi-irritated Iruka. He pulls down his mask, freeing the god awful mustache. 

"Iruka, love, why were your friends staring at my face?" 

"They're your friends too," Iruka grumbles. 

"Right, yes. You're evading the question." 

Iruka, who had been so proud of his ability to support Kakashi in his awful decision to keep that awful mustache finally, after a very long month, broke. 

"It's that awful fucking pornstache. You have to shave it. Please, I am begging you, shave that fucking thing off your face." Iruka is looking at Kakashi with wide, pleading eyes. 

Kakashi pouts, hand on his mustache. 

"I thought you liked it." 

Iruka sighs at Kakashi, "Oh sweetheart. That thing is a monstrosity. Kissing you is like having a caterpillar attack my face and don't get me started on what it was like on my dick." Iruka shudders, closing his eyes. "Please, please Kakashi. Shave. That fucking. Thing. Off." 

Kakashi's resolve breaks and he starts laughing. Hysterical peels of laughter. He falls down he's laughing so hard, clutching his stomach. Iruka looks at him like he's lost his mind. 

"Kakashi, what is so fucking hilarious?" 

The other man is trying to breathe, but can't quite get in a breath. Iruka is a little concerned Kakashi might pass out from lack of oxygen but he's actually a little angry that Kakashi is laughing at him so he kind of doesn't care. 

Finally after two full minutes of laughter, (Iruka has only experienced this with Kakashi a couple of times and it's been some of the weirdest moments of his life), Kakashi pulls in a breath, wiping tears from his eyes. 

"It was fun for about two weeks, then it just got annoying. Wearing the mask while having a mustache is not ideal. Why do you think I've been taking off my mask as soon as I get home?" Kakashi finally says in between random giggles. 

"You... usually take your mask off... when you," Iruka pauses, thinking about the last several weeks. It was true. Kakashi had been pulling his mask off almost before they were even through the door. Usually he wouldn't bother with it until something came up that the mask impeded. 

"Hatake," he growls, getting ready to stalk toward Kakashi. "You asshole! I've been dealing with that stupid fucking thing for more than a month because why?!" 

Kakashi thinks twice before answering, as Iruka has that feral gleam in his eye that he gets before berating an unruly jounin or a group of pre-genin, but decides it's worth it to answer. "You were adorable trying to make it seem like you liked it when I could tell from the start you despised it. You were trying to be so supportive even though you hated it.” 

Kakashi has a goofy grin on his face, his lone grey eye full of love. 

Iruka can’t stay mad at his lover, even if he wanted to. 

“Get that thing off your face so I can kiss you,” he grumbles, trying to at least maintain a façade of irritation. 

“Gladly,” Kakashi says, disappearing into the bathroom. 

Iruka shakes his head exasperatedly. What was he going to do with that crazy jounin? 

**Author's Note:**

> please give some love to dooilim! they are so sweet and wonderful and deserve it! 
> 
> thanks for reading! i hope this gave you a laugh! 
> 
> [tumblr](https://stupidbadgers.tumblr.com)


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